"Jason! Jason. What are you doing? No, don't! Jason, please don't!"

I held the kitchen knife high in the air. My breathing was heavy. Without hesitating or regrets I plunged the knife deep into her heart, whom mine she broke. I stood there, shirt coated with blood and all, laughing with insanity. Just laughing...

My eyes grew awake. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead. My hands were trembling with fear due to the morbid dream.

"So this is how it feels to be a cold hearted murderer..." echoed an opinion in my heart.

I ended up from living in a cozy, warm HDB flat to a chilly and dirty prison cell in just a blink of an eye. My brutal actions I did regret but nothing can change my cruel fate now; to be executed by hanging for manslaughter. Only with a president's pardon can I escape the clutches of the rope, but my choices of receiving one were thin.

Why did I commit a brutal homicide, you ponder? How could a man not get furious upon discovering his wife having an affair with another man? Unlike other men, I just had to take a knife and stab her to death. Goodness me, I need anger management classes.

Tick-tock. The sound of life itself. There I lay, praying to an omnipotent entity who calls himself God for my pardon for which I had been waiting anxiously for. I was on an excellent behaviour streak and even did some community service around the prison and avoided fights. I have five days left.

Not a minute did I not think about my ruined family, whom I have greatly disappointed. My parents cried inconsolably upon hearing the horrible verdict. My siblings lowered their heads in sadness and shame. I only have two days left and my faith to God grew lower and lower on each passing minute. The suspense and reality of life became very real and my heart drummed faster upon thinking of it.

A priest came into my lonely cell to say the last rites.

"Why should I praise God? I have been on my best behaviour lately for praying to Him every single minute from day one, yet He turned a blind eye on me!" I ranted at him with much frustration.

The innocent priest tried to console me by reading psalms from the bible but that only made me more furious and rejected him out of my prison cell. I hammered the wall with my palm. Why have you forsaken me, God? I have repented on my sins yet You still turn a blind eye on me!

I could not sleep. The rage and anxiety dwelled up inside me as the execution date grew near.

A tapping sound echoed throughout my cell.

"Jason Wong. You are hereby pardoned by the president."

It was the day. The day I dreaded so much. I would give everything to have this day kicked out of the calendar. September twenty - time to take my medical report. I woke up in the wee hours in the morning, I couldn't sleep. I was starting to fear the worst even before my appointment. I took out my mobile phone and texted my girl, Susan to tell her my anxiety. I was hoping that she would be awake yoo. A few minutes later, my mobile vibrated. She was awake. I was elated, but just for a second. She offered to follow me to see the doctor. I agreed.

I arrived at the meeting point, earlier than the meeting time. Time was moving so slow. I felt like it was taking hours for her to appear. After the "hours", she appeared. She walked towards me. She walked like a model. She had those jet black eyes and hair that went very well with the shirt that she was wearing. As she walked, time seemed to move slower, but I didn't mind. I wanted to see her longer. For that particular moment, my appointment and anxiety went to the back of my head. She was a happy-go-lucky type of girl whose smile would make any man fall for her. She looked just like a fairy, so beautiful. Words couldn't describe her looks. She was far most the best I have ever seen. "Hi Lance!" she said to me in the voice that blended well with the elegance she had. "Hi sexy." I always said that to her. She was like a sex symbol. We took a bus to the hospital. On the way there, she was telling me to relax and to think positively. I told her I was trying to. The bus was fully packed and we had to squeeze in in order not to be late for the appointment.

After what seemed to be an eternity in that hellish bus ride, we arrived at the place where made my face turn white. Every step I took towards it, it landed as though tens or thousands of tons were attached. I didn't want to move. I was starting to break out in cold sweat. While I was waiting, a flurry of thoughts went through my head. How would the report card write? If it was tested positive, it was going to kill Susan. I prayed to god and hoped that it was tested negative. I was already picturing the worst. How I wished I had met Susan earlier. "Lance? Are you there? Hello? Anybody home?" I was suddenly interruppted in my thoughts. Susan was waving her hand infront of my face and knocking my head. Her knock was a milk little shake. Even if she used her full force, it still wouldn't hurt. I was too engrossed thinking about the report card. She tried to calm me down and told me to be optimistic. She then gave me a peck on the cheeck. In a way, it calmed my fear a little. Just like how it always had. Finally, it was my turn...

I went into the doctor's room. It was quite small and had posters that woild make anyone feel cheerful. Doctor Ang, my family doctor, the doctor that will bear the news. Susan was there beside me. "Lance, well well, you are a bad boy. You are tested negative for cancer."

  From the nearby window, I looked out and realised that the sun had already set. It had been hours ago since we arrived. I walked towards the nearest couch and sat down. At the counter, I noticed the nurses busy with their paperwork and some were helping patients to move from one place to another. The white walls were very claming and the atmosphere was peaceful. However, my eyes kept on going back towards the doors of the emergency room and the anxiety I had kept in control, slowly creeping back into my heart. Mother.

  "I wonder what was keeping them so long," my heart whispered.

  Early that morning, my family and I were planning on going shopping at the new shopping centre that had just recently opened. We wanted to buy things and presents for the new baby even though the baby had not been born yet. It was due for another month. My family was excited, especially myself as I had never seen myself as a big sister once and the news that my mother was pregnant brought me joy. I chose a selection of baby clothes and pillows that I thought that my new baby brother or sister might like. I imagined its big, bright eyes lit up at the sight of all the things and its tiny hands reach up, wanting to touch my cheek.

  After a long day shopping, we decided to find a nice restaurant to eat. There was a mechanical failure on the escalators, so we had to climb down instead of just riding on it. Suddenly my mother slipped and fell before my father and I could catch her. My mother let down a cry of agony as she was in pain. I stood rooted to the groung, not knowing what to do. My father and a couple of bystanders helped my mother and called the ambulance.

  That was how I ended up waiting at the waiting room, hopeful for my mother and the baby to arrive safelt. My heart was still hammering unevenly as I waited and waited. At last, my father came out with a bright smile on his face. Seeing me place and worried, my father gently put a hand on my shoulder and assured me that everything was alright. I heaved a sigh of relief as I stood infront ofthe emergency room. My father said I could now rest at home and tomorrow, we could all visit my mother and my new baby sister. My heart felt light, knowing that the suspense was over.

(Yeah its very ugly to me. Sorry HAHAHA.)

Anyway, yes yes welcome ppl! :D LOL.

A quick runthrough abt some features.

1) Blog. (duh)

2) Radio. (aren't you excited?!)

Okay I know for those who know ShoutCast.. FlatCast isn't the way to go, because FlatCast simply sucks. But yeah. Okay stop my gibberish.

Anyway!! The radio is just for entertainment purposes, and also.. for those who wanted to have try of how it's like to be a DJ, on air, with ppl listening to you. (Tried it before, it was superrr enriching. You should rly try. :D)

3) Tagboard! (coming soon.)

4) Links (okay normal. HAHA)

If you want to know how to DJ or you want me to link you, please contact me at fallingalloveragain@gmail.com.

I trust you enough not to circulate my email, and in return I won't circulate yours too. :)

Alright, thats about everything.

Have a great weekend ahead lovelies.

Love,

Amirah ^_^